My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
