i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
