hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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