we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
