Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
