Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
