somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
