Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
