Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
