my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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