I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
