just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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