I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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