If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
