pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
