yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
