Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
