butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
