I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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