the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
