she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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