Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Randomize
