My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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