Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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