I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
