I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
