A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
