i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
