No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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