the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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