PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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