Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
