girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
