I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
