We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
