And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
