and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
