she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
