i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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