Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
