How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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