Slut skills are useful in every country.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
