On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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