He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
