guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
