at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
