Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
