it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
