Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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