Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
