I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
